For the most part, the omnivore/vegetarian union that hubby and I share is a harmonious one. But, every now and then, something comes along that really, really tests us. And last night was one of those times.
We received an invitation to the annual family camping weekend that his side of the family hosts each year. It’s being held on Father’s Day weekend this year AND it just happens to be the campground’s “Hawaiian Pig Roast Weekend.” Yep, that’s right… a pig roast.
From the event calendar on the campground’s Web site:
June 19 – 21 – Hawaiian Pig Roast Weekend – Happy Father’s Day!!! LoD provides the pig and the LoD staff starts the roast at midnight on Friday night. Help us decorate the pavilion with our under the sea craft Saturday morning and then make one to take back to your camper. Participate in our coloring contest. Round out the day by bringing a dish to share (6 – 8 servings) as well as your table service and enjoy dinner and the luau at the pavilion on Saturday evening. Hayrides on Saturday evening.
This campground is basically just a trailer park, and last time, our camp site was within sight of the pavilion, not to mention that the bathrooms are connected to the pavilion, too… meaning, it will be pretty difficult to avoid the pig. I’ll no doubt be able to see it, smell it and listen to people talk about it all weekend.
I’m quite disgusted at the thought of this. When I balked last night, hubby got frustrated, saying he didn’t see what the big deal was because it’s only one night out of the three-day weekend. I don’t see it that way, however, since the roast will begin Friday night. And, Saturday night is a potluck… and although I don’t have confirmation, my guess is that no one is going to cook Saturday night and we’ll all attend the roast. That is, everyone but me. Hubby said he almost didn’t show me the invite, because he knew I’d be upset.
In hubby’s eyes, me not going is not an option. In my eyes, me going is not an option.
I need help! I’d like to gather thoughts from others. How would you handle this situation? Maybe there’s a solution that I haven’t considered yet. I’m open to any and all ideas… believe me. 
I can’t stand the sight of a dead pig, let alone one revolving over an open fire, so I think I would have to refuse. If you go, you’ll be really unhappy the whole time, so it would probably cause less family tension if you avoided the whole thing, but I could be wrong about that. Could you just go on Sunday?
I think it comes down to your choice. In the end you have to defend your decision. My husband’s an omni as well so I can see this happening to me someday. Now, would I go? Ummm, probably not. In the past I’ve skipped family functions. His family likes to order in big meat and cheese greasy pizzas – so disgusting. So, I always make an excuse why I won’t be there. No matter what you decide it’s hard dealing with it. Good luck with what you decide to do. I’ll be staying tune to hear how it all turns out.
Daneen
Unfortunately, you can’t force your viewpoints on others, and, really, I feel that a passive form of vegetarian activism (if you can imagine such a thing) carries a lot more power and influence than the types of people who go out and protest (erm, Peta anyone?).
If you go and people who don’t necessarily realize you’re a vegetarian start asking you why you’re not eating and joining in with the pig-roast festivities, then a friendly door has been opened for you to explain your stance on such things, and you might actually be able to make an impact on someone rather than riding out the storm at home, not forcing other people to see the fact that not EVERYONE enjoys a pig roast.
I was unknowingly taken to a party that ended up being a pig roast, and while the sight and smell were a little gross, I just don’t really think it’s that big of a deal.
You’re married now and should participate in your new family’s events. Just pack plenty of food that you can eat and politely explain to anyone who asks that you just don’t eat meat. I doubt the smell will be so terrible that your weekend is unbearable, and I don’t think meat will be seen by his family as a legitimate excuse for missing the weekend. Just don’t let it get to you and focus on being nice, warm and pleasant with the in-laws. Heck, you might even have a good time!
Seeing a roast was what made me go veggie… Well, actually the stuff leading up to the roast. However, if most of the time Omnivore hubby is accommodating to your choices, make an exception and go to the get together. I don’t know how many Army BBQ’s I’ve attended that I didn’t agree with. In the end, I’m glad I went. Better than fighting. Just be clear with him that you are going to support him and that he needs to stand by you with your choices, too.
That’s hard Jenny! I am so lucky my hubby is veggie too and would also find this disgusting and understand. He is pretty understanding anyway and would not pressure me if I was not happy about going to a family event, however I a can see if this wasn’t the case how difficult it would be. I just don’t know what to suggest, t would make me physically sick to be there. Fat help I am huh?
Personally I would go only if you can keep your emotions in check about how you feel. Just because this disgusts you ( and many others) doesn’t meant that it wont hurt his families feelings if you don’t go. I would also go because even though your hubby might forgive you for not going his family will probably always think ” oh that’s his stuck up wife who eats weird”. I’d go and bring lots of good dishes to pass around and most people will probably like them and it gives you a good chance to talk about your style of cooking.
Also, if for no other reason, it seems like your hubby is a great supporter of your life style/ cooking and willing to try a lot. Its fair for him to want you to be by his side at a family gathering! I’d go support him and bring lots of your personal favorite foods! If all else fails and you really can’t be there you could go home sick.
Just found your blog and was so excited to see it! I am married to an omnivore too! I call myself vegetarian, but I am pretty much vegan–just not comfortable making the big step of calling myself that yet. Anyways, I definitely think you should attend the pig roast. I know it will be very disturbing, but these are the kinds of things that we have to deal with thanks to our omni husbands. I would use the “event” as an opportunity to help people understand your choices and to speak your truth as I’m sure lots of people will be wondering why you are not eating the poor pig. Bring some delicious vegetarian food to share and try to have a good time. I find that when people see how great veggie food is and how happy I am not eating meat, they are inspired. People will notice if you are not there and probably think bad things about vegetarianism, but people will notice more if you show up with a smile on your face and food that is better than theirs. Joyful actions speak enormously for vegetarians! Also, I am sure your husband will appreciate the fact that you are there with him despite the event being against your beliefs. Good luck whatever you decide to do!
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Hi, I have a similar dilemma. I am vegetarian and care a great deal about animals, to see a pig in this way will disgust, revolt and upset me greatly. My sister has recently informed me that this is something she is having at her wedding this year, she knew that I would be upset about it, my children too, but doesn’t care! I have had sleepless nights worrying about it. My husband does eat meat but says he will follow my wishes if I decide I just can’t face going. I see this thread is 10 months old now, I’m interested to know though-did you end up going??
Hi Mel! Thanks so much for your comment. Yes, I did go and it actually had a somewhat “happy” ending. You are not the only one I left hanging, so I’ll do a post about it this week so everyone can have some closure!
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